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Glass
Slipper Publishing's Weekly Break
Up Support Blog and Newsletter / Breakup Support Column
by Glass
Slipper Publishing (Join our mailing list by clicking here)
You
can become a fan and discuss these newsletters at our Mending Broken Hearts Page on FaceBook
RECOVERING
FROM EMOTIONAL ABUSE
Sometimes
bad things happen
to us and we don’t even become
aware of them until it’s too late. ...more>>
FEELING
UNLOVED: Loneliness after a Breakup
Perhaps
one of the most difficult emotions that come after a breakup is the
feeling of not being loved. To sum the emotion up in just two
words? Emotional Loneliness. ...more>>
IS
YOUR
EX SELF-SERVING?
After my last 'relationship' (*ahem) ended I started thinking about how
I gave and gave and gave ... and then gave some more. BUT, and a huge
BUT, too - I couldn't think of one thing he had ever done for me. Not
one stinkin' thing! Then I started thinking about this even more and I
realized that I couldn't even think of one thing that he had ever done
for anybody else, either, other than his boss (and we know that was
strictly about job security). ...more>>
ARE
YOU
IN A BAD OR TOXIC RELATIONSHIP?
Toxic relationships are a fact of life for many people, men and women
alive, both young and older. Often family and friends can see the
effects in the relationship but the one living in it cannot or will
not. ...more>>
SHOULD YOU
GIVE YOUR EX ANOTHER CHANCE?
Your ex-boyfriend wants you back. He has
made it clear that he is still interested in a relationship with you.
Now the ball is in your court and you have to decide whether to give
him another chance or not. ...more>>
WHAT ARE YOU?
I'M
A '5'!
How
many of us who are coming out of the devastation of a relationship
breakdown hasn't spent hours and/or days analyzing what happened, what
went wrong, and how we may have contributed to the breakdown of our
relationship? Very rarely, however, do we actually understand whom we
are, and whom our mates are, and how together we just may not have had
the compatible personality needed to have made a good 'match'. ...more>>
HAS
YOUR BREAKUP GIVEN YOU A CASE OF THE 'DPD's'?
For many of us an 'unwelcomed' breakup
leaves us needy and dependent on our ex and unhappy in our newfound
'singleness'. For some, these feelings can be intensified to the point
where we become obsessive, leaving us with symptoms of borderline
'Dependent Personality Disorder'. ...more>>
THREE
WAYS TO A POSITIVE BREAKUP RECOVERY
It is nearly impossible to live on this
earth without experiencing the end of a romantic relationship. As we
have discussed in previous newsletters (http://tigressluv.com) facing a
loss of this kind can be very similar to losing a loved one to death,
and in many, many ways FAR worse! Like a physical death, an emotional
death can also cause intense feelings of heartache, loss, grief
– and rejection. ...more>>
MAINTAINING
YOUR
DIGNITY AFTER A BREAKUP
"Please,
please please please please take me
back!"
One of the
most devastating feelings
that occur after a breakup are the feelings of being unlovable,
unworthy and rejectable. You lose so much pride that it's hard to think
of any way to gain it back short of re-gaining their heart and love
back, and of being worthy of being in a relationship with 'them' once
again. ...more>>
BETTER THAN A
BIG
OL' BOWL OF BEN & JERRY'S ICE CREAM :)
I just LOVE our Lifted Hearts
'Brokenheartsville' Community! We have so many 'very special'
and insightful members there ... members who know relationships,
breakups, commitmentphobia, codependency, broken hearts, etc...inside
and out! And one of our very special members goes by the name 'DrPhil'
.... no, he's not the Dr.
Phil, but boy does he have the gift of making sense out of
the senseless! He recently posted this reply (below) to a woman on our
message boards. I thought his reply was so insightful that I just had
to share it with you in this week's newsletter ...more>>
PSYCHO EX
BITCH
In a past newsletter we discussed how
some people set out to destroy the reputation of their ex (see http://tigressluv.com/trash_talking_ex.html).
This occurrence is more common (than not) with a narcissist. A
narcissist will stop at nothing to destroy the image of their ex. When
I first met my narcissistic 'now-ex' he told me how horrible his
ex-wives were. He belittled their children. He called the women 'psycho
bitches'. He called them 'lying, cheating, greedy whores'. And why
shouldn't I have believed him? Here stood a man that was putting on his
best (albeit fake) persona. He had me totally fooled. He
even had himself fooled; he was a narcissist and a narcissist is
extremely gifted at the art of self-deception. ...more>>
MEN
WHO
FEAR COMMITMENT
Romantic relationships are not always
easy. The truth is that the dating game is often rather complicated,
and there is always a risk of getting hurt. One problem that women are
often faced with is men who fear commitment. When a woman gets involved
with a man who fears commitment, her relationship will eventually hit a
dead end. At that point she will be forced to either tolerate being in
a relationship that is not moving forward, or walk away. So how can a
woman tell if she is with a man who doesn't want to commit to her? If
your man does not see a future with you, there will be many warning
signs. ...more>>
WIN EX
BACK
How to Win Back Your Ex Boyfriend or How
to Win Back Your Ex Girlfriend: Tips to Help You Stop Your Breakup and
Get Back Together
Hello,
everyone! This week I would like to offer you these Free and Valuable
tips on how to win your ex back...ENJOY! ...more>>
16
Warning Signs Your Commitment-Phobic Wants Out
Once the CP (Commitment-Phobic
Person) gets you (wins you), and doesn't have to pursue you anymore,
they will start to panic - it's now time for them to leave the
relationship before you start expecting the next logical step from them
- which is a commitment!...more>>
'RECOVERING
FROM A NARCISSIST'
Today
I was reading over our Narcissist Support Board. WOW! Such insightful
posts, many bringing me some major (and uncomfortable) triggers from my
past relationship with a narcissist. If you don't mind I would like to
share with you (below) some of these comments that I have read there
today...more>>
'HOW
TO KILL
A RELATIONSHIP'
Ever
wonder why some people are dumped? This list ...more>>
LOVE
TERRORISTS
AND THE COMMITMENTPHOBE'
I once said that just about everything
one can go through, I have. Maybe it's a curse, maybe it's a blessing
in disguise, but - whatever it is - it's true. I have 'been there,
done that'! And being involved with a
commitment-phobe is one of those 'blessings' I have had the blessed
misfortune to have experienced many, many years ago. I know by heart
all the stages, have lived all the ups and downs, and had realized -
only afterwards - that I forgot to 'exist' during it all! ...more>>
CODEPENDENCY
& YOUR BREAKUP
Codependent people
have an uncanny ability to destroy every relationship they have been
in. They tend to latch on to partners quickly, feel completely
devastated or destroyed after a breakup, and feel empty and lost
outside of a relationship. Although there are many, many
books out there that attempt
to explain the motives of codependent people, I
have never found one that actually
describes the reason behind what
they do to my satisfaction! ...more>>
SILENT
ABUSE -The Silent Treatment : A Form of Abuse
I believe the silent treatment (feigned
apathy; cold-shoulder; silence; distance, and ignoring you) is the
worst form of emotional abuse. It is a punishment used by abusers to
make you feel unimportant, not valued, not cared about and completely
absent from the abuser's thoughts. It is used as a form of non-physical
punishment and control because the abuser mistakenly thinks that if
they don't physically harm you then they are not abusers. The truth is,
they are far worse at doling out abuse than the physical abuser. ...more>>
PROFOUND
DYING WORDS
Quite some years back I was in a
relationship with a man who was deep into the 'drama'. Now, it's true
that many of us women have emotions that run deep and strong, and many
a time have we over-dramatized our lives and certain situations... But
it is rare to find a man that is so overly emotional that every day
with him is wrought with nothing but drama, or a man that is so
emotionally volatile or codependent that the entire family must walk
around on tippy-toes lest we 'upset' him. ...more>>
GETTING DUMPED HURTS
The bad thing about getting dumped or
abandoned is it costs us our self-esteem. We feel a full tidal wave of
rejection bring us to our knees, sucking the wind out of our sails. We
form an inner-hate and get caught in a self-destructive mode. We create
- within ourselves - intense feelings of rejection, isolation, and a
profound loss of love, acceptance, and control. ...more>>
A MAN AND HIS BREAKUP
When a Man Treats a
Woman Well - and He STILL Gets Dumped!
Is your breakup making you fell insane? Do you panic if you have to go
out in public? Does the thought of visiting family and friends make you
want to hurl? Don't worry - a man's ego can take a huge nose-dive after
a woman has broken up with him. It is so natural to suffer an extreme
loss of self-esteem after a breakup. After all, a breakup is based on a
rejection from someone you admired and respected - and when someone you
think is grand 'rejects' you, and you value their opinions - then,
basically, you end up rejecting yourself, too. Don't worry, your esteem
and self-confidence WILL return. ...more>>
HOW
TO
GET YOUR EX BACK EVEN AFTER THEY PULL AWAY'
Have you ever been in a relationship
where your partner suddenly pulled away without any warning or became
distant and avoiding? In one sad heartbeat, the relationship breaks
down and you're left with no clue as to what went wrong. ...more>>
DO
YOU
ACCEPT YOUR PARTNER?
Recently my eldest daughter visited me.
We hadn't seen each other in some years due to my inability to travel
because of my health; of course, money was an issue, too. Our visit was
fun and we had a great time swapping stories about things that had
happened since our last visit. ...more>>
REVENGE
ON
THE EX
In my last newsletter I wrote about
breakups and the 'trash talking' that sometimes occurs between the two
estranged partners. It's sad that we often see breakups as war with a
winner and a loser. We think we must win, that we must
come out looking better than them...it's almost like we want to punish
someone for rejecting us, making us hurt, or cheating on us. But why?
Are our egos that small, that sensitive? ...more>>
TRASH
TALKING
Recently I ran into an old friend I
hadn't seen in a couple of years. He was very happy to see me, as I was
him, and we chatted for a while amicably. Just one short week later I,
again, ran into him. This time he had been sitting right next to my ex.
Now, and as most of you may know, my ex is a narcissist - which means
that he is highly self-trained in the art of deception... in other
words, my ex is a manipulative liar hiding behind the mask of a
likable, honest and good man. ...more>>
FUGLY
My
son came to visit me this week, and with him came his puppy, Floppy.
Now the minute I laid eyes on Floppy I just had to rename him to
'Fugly'... and for those of you who are a little confused on this new
name I gave him, let me tell you that 'Fugly'...more>>
3
QUICK STAGES OF A NARCISSISTIC-BASED RELATIONSHIP
Stage
1. Meeting the
narcissist (Being 'Born'):
The narcissist comes off as a very charming man. In fact, he is just
too good to be true. He will entrance and hypnotize you with visions of
his grandeur. He will have just SO MANY things in common with you that
you will be reeling with a fairy tale-like enchantment. ...more>>
34
TIPS FOR A FASTER BREAKUP RECOVERY
1.
Self-portrayal. Start a personal journal about your journey
from heartbreak to 'better-than-ever'. I know one man who kept a record
of his postings on our breakup board, starting from his devastating
beginning days, to his healed and in love again days, and then turned
them into an awesome book of self-discovery and hope. ...more>>
HE'S NOT READY TO COMMIT! OR IS HE? Five Signs
He's Not Ready
to Commit
If
you want to know whether a man is ready for commitment, it's probably
best not to rely solely on what he says. For most men, saying what they
believe a woman wants to hear comes fairly easily. So if you want to
know whether a guy is ready to settle down, you need to move beyond the
words he uses and look at his actions, as these usually speak a lot
louder. ...more>>
TOP
WAYS TO GET YOUR EX BACK
- Tips for Getting Your Ex Back Easily
Going
through a break up is a painful time. No matter how final you might
think it is, there's always hope you can get your ex back, especially
if you remember some simple tips. ...more>>
SHOULD I
JOIN
A DATING SITE?
Or 'Why I Hate eHarmony'
With
your breakup behind you many of you are now ready to start joining the
land of the living once more, and this entails getting back out there
and dating again! And that's just what many of the members of my
community are doing! ...more>>
HOW TO GET
YOUR EX-BF TO CALL
So you've been seeing a guy for a few
days, or weeks, or even months. You may have thought you were getting
along great and maybe he was the one. Then he stopped returning your
calls and texts. He's left you wondering 'why doesn't he call?' ...more>>
THE EMPTY,
DECAYED
HEART OF THE NARCISSIST
How
can one explain a narcissist' heart? In one word: Absent.
The
narcissist has an outer
core - one of dashing beauty and spectacular wit, charm and
intelligence. This is the 'image', the 'presentation' that a narcissist
displays for his public; his
followers, or his 'charmed circle' are the catalyst which he uses to
bring his image to life. But it is not real. He is not real. There is
no such man as the one he displays; it is only an image that you see.
An illusion. The narcissist is a Master Illusionist.
...more>>
NARCISSISTIC
BEHAVIOR. COULD YOU BE DATING A NARCISSIST?
It is hard enough getting into and
maintaining a relationship these days. There are just so many different
factors involved in today's fast paced world that marriages and
relationships seem more difficult to keep together. This is especially
true for people who show signs of narcissistic behavior. ...more>>
FOR WOMEN:
HOW
TO ATTRACT A MAN IN ALL THE STAGES OF HIS LIFE
Us
poor women. It seems we spend our whole life dreaming of, or in
desperate search of, that one thing. That ONE BIG IMPORTANT THING -
gaining a man's undying love and devotion. Yes, there is but this
‘one thing’ in most women’s life that
gives her life its all valuable ‘reason’
… and that ‘one thing’ is being totally
enveloped by the warm glow of love’s flame. Women, deny it
all you want, but it is true! ...more>>
THE
PROPER WAY TO BREAK UP
I usually write my newsletter based for
those who have broken up with their partner and are unhappy with that
fact. But many of my subscribers remain still in unsatisfying
relationships but do not know the proper way to break it off. This
week's newsletter is for these people. ...more>>
WHAT
DOES A 'TIME OUT' REALLY MEAN, AND WHY DO PEOPLE ASK FOR ONE
Some people may think they are playing
it safe by asking for a 'time out'. For the most part, "I want a
'time-out'" really means: ...more>
BEFORE
ENDING YOUR RELATIONSHIP ... What Questions Should You Ask
Yourself Before Ending a Relationship?
1) DO I REALLY WANT TO END THIS
RELATIONSHIP? Make sure you are SURE you want to end the
relationship! Don't burn your bridges and then decide you want to do a
u-turn and go back. ...more>
LET
YOUR RELATIONSHIP GO AND IT WILL GROW (If You Want Your
Relationship to Work You Should Just 'Forget About It'!)
I am writing this article to debunk the
misconception that relationships are something that you have to 'work'
at to make them successful. I am going to shock you by suggesting to
you that just the opposite may be true! ... That the less 'work' you
put into a relationship, the more lasting the relationship may be. ...more>
INFIDELITY
AND GETTING BACK TOGETHER (How to Get Your Ex Back After a
Breach of Trust)
How do you get your ex boyfriend back
after a breach of trust? How do you persuade him that it's worth trying
to recreate your connection? This is a difficult task, but not an
impossible one. ...more>
I HATE MY EX!
"I hate my ex girlfriend!"
"I hate my ex boyfriend!"
Do you? Or are you so
passionately and emotionally connected to them
that you have mistaken 'hate' for 'love in pain'?
Hate and love are both intense, passionate emotions. When we
romantically love someone and they reject our love, hurt us intensely,
or betray us we may replace our passionate loving attachment to them
with a passionate hating attachment to them. ...more>
WIN HIM BACK
5 Secret Tips to Get Your Ex Boyfriend
Back
Break ups are
always hard. The hardest kind of break up, however, occurs when one
person is ready to move on and the other is still interested in
continuing the relationship. If you have recently suffered a break up
that was not of your choosing, you can probably relate to this. Do you
want to get your ex boyfriend back? These secret tips are the best
strategy to bring your ex boyfriend back into your life: ...more>
IS YOUR
EX
IN YOUR FUTURE?
When we lose someone we love we
experience an intense and deep grief. It is natural to grieve, but it
may be enlightening to you if you understand that what you are grieving
the loss of the MOST is something that hasn't even happened
yet. Okay, I'm sure that was a very confusing statement - and
one that you probably went back and reread a few times trying to
understand - so let me clarify... ...more>
THE
NICE GUY IMAGE: Learn What First Impressions Can Instantly
Turn Women Off
Little girls grow up listening to
fairy tales about Prince Charming and the Knight in Shining Armor. They
see their fathers as big strong men who will protect them from all the
bad things in the world. And so these Cinderella 'wannabe's' end up
looking for a man who is ...more>
'REJECTION
FROM PARTNERS WITH 'ISSUES''
When we are rejected from someone we
care about - especially if that someone has 'issues', faults, flaws, or
personality disorders, we tend to take the rejection especially hard.
I think what really tears us apart is the blow that this rejection
leaves on our ego. We tend to subconsciously value ourselves through
our partner's 'acceptance' or 'non-acceptance' of us. So if he or she
rejected you for another, we take it personally - believing that
somehow we, ourselves, are flawed. It is hard for us to understand that
their rejection of us has NOTHING to do with our value as a human being
...more>
'NO
CONTACT AND YOUR BREAK UP WITH YOUR EX'
The foundation of a successful breakup -
or a successful reunion - almost always starts with 'NO CONTACT'. No
contact is not a 'game', but rather a strategy. It is a way for us to
'rediscover ourselves' and also a way for our exes to miss us and want
to have contact with us again. Therefore, 'no contact' works well in
both situations; wanting to get back together or wanting to move on and
recover ...more>
'BREAKUP
ATTITUDE'
Good week everyone! Well, this week I
received an email from a subscriber who requested that I do more
newsletters with tips for winning an ex back. Hmmm? I guess I have been
lacking in that area lately !!! So I decided this
week I would share a small excerpt from my ebook, "How to Win Back
Their Attraction" (which can be found at http://winbacktheirattraction.com).
Below is just one of the tips from a list of my many in the ebook! ...more>
'THE DEMONIZING
EX'
This week I want to write about
'demonizing''.
For those who are not aware of this term it means the act of turning
someone's image into a 'demon'. In other words, and in regards to many
of the situations here, it basically means when an ex (one who had
loved, adored, or perhaps even 'worshipped' you when you were together)
all of a sudden starts to see evil, bad, or extreme ugliness in you, or
overt wrongdoings - when these wrongdoings never actually
happened! Translation: they 'twist' good or 'innocent' things
you do or have done around in their heads to fit into their distorted
(false) bad image of you. ...more>
FALL
OUT OF LOVE? IMPOSSIBLE!
In my last newsletter I
compared the grief of a breakup to that of the grief of a death of a
loved one. I spoke that grief for one whom we have lost through death
was socially acceptable, but that most people frowned on grieving over
a breakup. I also talked about how when one dies they do not
purposefully and intentionally withdraw their love and affection from
you as one does when they walk out or abandon you and your
relationship. ...more>
'LEFT
BY CHOICE'
If any of you have seen the
movie, P.S. I Love You (starring Hilary Swank as
Holly) you are most likely familiar with Kathy Bates' character as
Holly's mother (who had been abandoned by her own husband years
earlier). In one very poignant scene Kathy Bates' character is advising
a crying and grieving Hilary (who's husband, Gerry, had died a year
before) that she would have to 'move on eventually'. Hysterical and
inconsolable, the grieving Holly snaps to her mother that losing a
loved one to death is NOT the same as her mother losing her dad, who
'left' them, and that her mother knew not the extent of her (Holly's)
grief. Kathy Bates' character simply responds back to her stating
something to the effect of, "Oh, because it's so much
easier to deal with when the person you love leaves by choice, is it?"...more>
'WHEN
GOOD RELATIONSHIPS GO BAD'
This
week I received an email from a woman who had read my ebook, 'Women
Really Do Love Bastards'' (http://whywomenlovebastards.com)
She stated, "I just purchased and am reading your "Bastards"
book. I stumbled across it and feel its been a true godsend!
I have been the pampered bitch my whole life. Well, at least in the
dating realm. I've been blessed with an abundance amount of beauty and
have never really had to work at relationships with men. If I didn't
get what I wanted... I moved on to the next. Now, 20 years (I'm 36)
into dating, never been married.... I'm exhausted. I've dated every
kind of guy there is .....trying to find out exactly what kind of man
would be the one for me..... until 4 months ago when I met a guy who
rocked my world to the core!...more>
BREAKUPS
AND
BEING IN THE 'HOOD'
The THREE Big Changes in the
'Hood'
The Number One biggest change we go through in our lifetime is that of
changing from childhood to adulthood. This change is such a drastic one
that it takes 19+ years to accomplish.
The Number Two biggest change is going from that of being childless to
that of parenthood. Whereas we have spent our entire lives up to this
point learning how to let go of our parents and take care of
'ourselves', we now must learn how to take care of another, too...MORE>>
OSTRACISM
AND THE EX
- THE ULTIMATE REJECTION
Definition of 'Ostracism'
- noun: the act of excluding someone from society by general consent
- noun: the state of being banished or ostracized (excluded from
society by general consent)
Definition of 'Ostracize'
- verb: avoid speaking to or dealing with ("Ever since I spoke up, my
colleagues ostracize me")
- verb: expel from a community or group ...more>>
BREAK UP BLUES
When
our relationships fail we can get in an awfully bad slump of
depression. Friends, family, and even casual acquaintances talk to us
and we reply, sometimes pretending interest or feigning an excited or
happy response - both of which we totally fabricate on the fly because
our souls are so depressed that we wouldn't dare reveal them to anyone
else. The truth be known, we could care less who is talking to us, and
we could care even less what they are saying to us.
All we can
think is "Oh,
woe...this all sucks; my life sucks. Why don't they just shut up and
leave me alone with my misery?" ...more>>
NEEDING OUR EX
Why do we feel like we need
another human being? Certainly it is true that we may want someone in
our life, but 'need'? Hardly! This sense of need is
an exaggeration, it's a false emotion. Intense desire for someone or
something creates an illusion of need.
When we
miss our ex-partners, or when we are trying to save a relationship, we
exaggerate the 'good' in them and in the relationship with them, and
when we are trying to get out of a relationship, we exaggerate the
'bad'. If you are the one that was 'dumped' (sorry) you may be
exaggerating the 'good' in your ex, while they may be exaggerating the
'bad' in you, or in a relationship with you. Sorry, but it's true. The
more you exaggerate their 'good', the more you may feel the false sense
of need for them, and the more they exaggerate
your 'bad' the more they may feel the false sense of need to
get away from you ...more>>
IDEALIZING
YOUR
EX
Well,
hello! I hope everyone had a great Independence Day weekend :)
I
was hoping that today I
would be able to write to you that I was starting week two of being
'smoke-free', but I am sorry to say that I didn't even make it to 'day
two'! There is just too much going on in my life right now to survive
the added stress of nicotine withdrawal to it. LOL. I will try to quit
smoking again in a couple of weeks - when things in my life
settle down some.
Sitting
outside in my yard
Saturday night and watching the fireworks was the most stress-free time
I've had lately. Unfortunately, this year my mind kept drifting away
from the firework display and onto things that were weighing heavily on
my mind since my breakup ...more>>
WHAT
EVER HAPPENED TO SWEET,
LITTLE OL' ME?
It's
been an especially 'awakening' week for me. I've done very much
soul searching and purging and made a lot of resolutions. Here's my
first one; this is day 'one' for me without a cigarette. Yes, I am a
smoker - hopefully soon to be 'ex-smoker'. So - for the next few weeks
- you will just have to bear with me during my lack-of-nicotine-induced
nervous breakdown :)
That is one
of the great things about
breakups, though. The absolutely amazing metamorphosis we go through ...more>>
MY
EPIPHANY OF 2009!
I
have been helping people overcome the heartache of a broken
relationship for decades. I thought I knew heartbreak inside and out,
upside and down. There wasn't anything you could say to me that I
didn't know of, hadn't experienced, or had an
answer to ...more>>
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