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The Empty Heart of a Narcissist...

The Empty, Decayed Heart of the Narcissist
by Glass Slipper Publishing (You may join our mailing list by clicking here)

Does anybody read our articles on narcissism? Again this week we thought we would post one here on Narcissism, since many of us here are suffering the 'after-effects' of loving a narcissist and many have requested more help with recovering from a narcissistic-based relationship.

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How can one explain a narcissist' heart? In one word: Absent.

The narcissist has an outer core - one of dashing beauty and spectacular wit, charm and intelligence. This is the 'image', the 'presentation' that a narcissist displays for his public; his followers, or his 'charmed circle' are the catalyst which he uses to bring his image to life. But it is not real. He is not real. There is no such man as the one he displays; it is only an image that you see. An illusion. The narcissist is a Master Illusionist.

Think of the narcissist's image and your role in his life like a scene in a play. You are only important to him as the scene plays out and delightfully captures the audience's approval. If for some reason the scene isn't playing out in his favor, or you somehow don't enhance the scene anymore or make the actor shine, he can easily - and without a second thought - 'cut you' from the play. You mean nothing more to him than a prop.

You may be 'cut' from his play for other reasons, too. For instance, if for some reason keeping you in his 'play' creates the risk of 'exposing' or 'revealing' the real man under the 'mask' or the real actor behind the role, he, again, may just 'eliminate' you. It doesn't take much. A narcissist only has those around him as long as they somehow enhance his 'false persona' or engage in helping make his image look good. Once these advantages he gains from them lose their worthiness he simply 'erases' them from his life as if they were not 'real' people with emotions and investments.

Take for instance Neil Entwistle. Here was a narcissist whose own wife and infant daughter - by the very nature of needing him to support them - threatened to expose him as being a financial fraud and a failure. By needing him to support them they unknowingly 'called him out' as a fake, no longer enabling the fake image of the 'financially successful' man that he displayed to the world around him. It was only a matter of time before he would be exposed - only a matter of time before they would need to be taken care of by a financially stable man. Something he faked being. An image he couldn't risk losing. His simple solution to keep alive his image was to just eliminate his wife and baby daughter.

And this he did cold-heartedly with a Colt.22.

In court he smiled and showed no remorse; as likened to a sociopath remorse is not something the narcissist has the ability to feel for the victims he leaves behind. They are simply 'pawns' in his game, make-believe characters in his play, and nothing more. To the narcissistic Neil Entwistle, eliminating his wife and baby was no more real to him than hitting the 'backspace' or 'delete' button on his keyboard.

A narcissist doesn't see 'love' like the rest of us. He views 'love' for another only based on what that other person can add to his life or his image. Once the person can no longer add 'positively' to his image, or threatens to expose the narcissist's real self, he simply will not only fall out of love, but has the capacity to completely erase or eliminate that person from his life all together. Whether that person be a child, a spouse, a best friend, or even a parent is not of importance to the narcissist. Any relative or partner that, by the very means of their existence is viewed as a threat to the image the narcissist has created can be eliminated without a second thought. To a narcissist ALL people in his life are 'expendable' and useful only as long as they serve to positively enhance his ego or his image.

A narcissist wears a mask - 24-7, except in the privacy of his most intimate relationships. Unfortunately, the more intimate the relationship the more likely he is to reveal his true self - the man quivering under the mask - THE MAN HIDING BEHIND THE CURTAIN. In the mind of a narcissist revealing his true self means 'destroying' his successful mask. By removing his mask you are, for lack of better analogy - 'killing' him. To Neil Entwistle killing his family was a means of which he used to prevent them from 'killing' him.

As Dr. Keith Ablow puts it: "Men like Entwistle - the Scott Petersons of this world - feel like stripping their masks away is tantamount to killing them, because they believe those thin, synthetic disguises are all that keep them from dissolving into nothingness and feeling the full weight of unspeakable emotional turmoil, with roots that always reach deep into their pasts."

Some narcissists commit 'mental' murder. How? They simply ostracize you. They speak not your name. They ignore your existence. If you were to run into them somewhere they would not acknowledge your presence at all. To them, they have 'killed' you off, leaving you a non-entity.

This ostracizing far surpasses 'apathy' as it entails intentionally and purposefully committing acts of 'mental murder'. By its very nature, apathy is not 'intentional' - but ostracism is. The narcissist has intentionally and with direct malice aimed at destroying you, killed you off, all in the attempt to keep his false image alive and protected from whatever 'goods' you have on him.

Sometimes a narcissist becomes so entangled in his 'image' that his real self ceases to exist; Dr. Ablow likens this to 'dissolving into nothingness'. Like a dummy brought to life by the artist's hands, the narcissist brings to life the character he portrays while his 'real self' was killed off by his alter-ego years and years before. The Twilight Zone's episode, 'The Dummy', could easily describe a narcissist downfall. When the dummy (the alter-ego) gets more and more fanfare than the man behind the dummy, the man behind the dummy slowly ceases to exist and is replaced by the image he created.

For more information about breaking up with a narcissist - from someone that understands how you feel because she has been there - please visit 'Breaking Up With Your Narcissist' at http://breakingupwithyournarcissist.com.

Section 2

Today's Inspiration, Poem or Quote:

"You've no idea of what a poor opinion I have of myself, and how little I deserve it." - William Schwenck Gilbert

This Week's Prayer or Thought:

""If I've been blaming poor choices of mates for my failed relationships, I'll ask myself whether these choices were mine, or choices thrust upon me.

Today I'll take the time to see how my poor choices may be a reflection of my own low self-esteem.