Tips For a Faster Breakup Recovery

1. Start a personal journal about your journey from heartbreak to 'better-than-ever'. I know one man who kept a record of his postings on our break up board, starting from his devastating beginning days, to his healed and in love again days, and then turned them into an awesome book of self-discovery and hope.

2. Get all your hurt, pain, frustration, anger, love - whatever emotions you need to release - out. Place an empty chair in front of you and imagine it to be your ex (it may help to place a picture of your ex on the chair). Talk to him/her, telling them all the pain you feel, all the resentment you harbor, or the hurt feelings, emptiness, loneliness. All the love you have for them. Get it all out! Yell, blame, cry, beg, whatever feels good at the time.

3. Take an evening course. For example: art, writing, computer, or graphic arts.

4. Take a walk. I started walking about 4 weeks into my break up because I thought I was going to go nuts! I can honestly say that, not only did I walk the break up off, I also walked off about 10 unwanted pounds, got beautiful legs, sun-streaked hair, and a great tan!

5.  Make your own break up music tape. Do Not include any songs that remind you of your ex! And, try to record only insightful music (not just sappy, sad stuff!). Such as Gloria Gaynor's "I will survive". Here are some song suggestions:

• bonnie raitt- give it up or let me go

• dixie chicks- you were mine

• destiny's child- bug a boo

• cher- strong enough

• allure- all cried out

• whitney houston- it's not right but it's ok

• monica- ring da bell

• tlc- no scrubs

• sarah mclachlan- circles

• no doubt- end it on this

• mariah carey- i don't wanna cry

• madonna- the power of goodbye

• shania twain - that don't impress me much

• sheryl crow- anything but down

• whitney houston- heartbreak hotel

• all saints- never ever

• ben folds five- song for the dumped

• brandy- almost doesn't count

• mya- if you died i wouldn't cry cause you never loved me anyway

• mya- movin on

• cher- believe

• garbage- special

• en vogue- too gone, too long

• alana davis- free

• alanis morrisette- you oughta know

• jewel- foolish games

• fleetwood mac- dreams

• dixie chicks- let 'er rip

• mary chapin carpenter- the last word

• fleetwood mac- go your own way

• fleetwood mac- i don't want to know

• erykah badu- certainly

Find more break up songs and lyrics at http://breakup-songs.com

6. Try something different that you haven't experienced before. Parasailing, meditation, yoga, acupuncture, lectures, etc. Read some new-age philosopher's books and writings.

7. Reinvent your future. Did you know that most of your break up grief is caused more by the loss of your 'future dreams' with them and not with the actual loss of your relationship? Write down all your different dreams of the future that you had planned around you and your ex being together. Use a separate piece of paper for each dream. Example: our dream home in Colorado, our vacation to the Bahamas next spring, having children, etc. Individually burn each one by throwing them into a fireplace or a fire pit. Now 'reinvent' your future.

8. Cry! Cry long and hard. Now stop, wait five minutes, and then cry again! Some people are only able to cry when watching a sad movie, or reading a sad story. May we suggest you visit 'Breakup Movies' where you can find a huge selection of sad love stories and other breakup movies that you can watch right now on your computer. Visit them at http://breakup-movies.com. 

9. Set aside a certain amount of time each day that you will allow yourself to grieve - and nothing else but grieve. It is a funny thing, but when you try to grieve - and only grieve - you'll find that you don't really feel all that full of grief. It's when you try not to grieve, or when you allow other things to happen while you grieve (phone calls, television, smoking, eating) that you believe your grief consumes you.

10. Seek counseling or therapy to help you get in touch with your inner feelings. Or read my ebooks ;)

11. If you're angry try to release it in a non-destructive way. Example: pound your pillow, go for a jog, or workout at the gym. To stop anger try to understand what exactly it is that you are angry about and try to understand the motives of the person that angered you, or the reasons behind the event that angered you.

Anger usually is simply fear of losing control over a situation, event, or even yourself. Think about it, every time that you have been angry in your past it was because - at that very time - some one or some thing was not in your control. To rid yourself of anger acknowledge to yourself that sometimes we just can't control things and then learn to let the situation go and move beyond it. (Codependent people have a lot of anger because they are not willing to 'let go' and relinquish control.)

12. Start a project. Example: Remodel your bathroom, grow a garden, or get in better shape.

13. Give yourself a hug! God made our arms long enough so that we may embrace ourselves. Try it - nobody's looking. :) ...and it feels soooo good!

14. To help you sleep keep a 'fantasy list' close to your bedside. A 'fantasy list' is a list of things that you dream about. For instance; planting a garden, winning the lotto, building a home. Each night before you close your eyes pick one fantasy from the list. Now close your eyes and think about what you would do if your fantasy came true. Don't just 'think' about it, but rather lie back, CLOSE YOUR EYES and plan it out detail-by-detail ... see the dream unfold piece-by-piece.

Example 1: If you were to plant a dream garden what would you have in it? What kind of flowers, what colors? What vegetables and herbs? Would you have decorations or garden ornaments? A koi pond? Bird house or birdbath? Perhaps a nature walk or cobble-stoned pathway? A resting bench? A fountain? Can't you just smell that perfumed, fragrant aroma waft on a soft, gentle breeze as you cozily rest by your ambrosial garden?

Example 2: If you were to win the lotto, what would be the first thing you would do? Would you quit your job? Buy yourself something? Take your mother to Paris? Start a new business? Make out (jn your mind with your eyes closed) a detailed list of how you would enjoy your winnings. Imagine it complete with sights, sounds, colors, smells. Don't just think that you would buy that leather recliner you always wanted, but actually picture in your mind you smelling the intoxicating scent of the expensive leather.

Before you know it you will be fast asleep and dreaming beautifully!

15. Pamper yourself. Get a massage, or a makeover. Buy new shoes, or change your entire wardrobe. Don't feel guilty - you've just been through hell, and honey, you deserve some pampering - so spoil yourself silly!

16. If you and your ex hung around with the same crowd, it's time to make new friends! Join church groups, hiking/biking clubs, singles groups, or even tournaments and sports leagues. Take dance lessons. Join committees. Look up old friends that you have lost touch with, or volunteer your services or help somewhere if you have spare time to give.

17. I've heard this great suggestion for when you are stuck 'obsessing' about your ex. What you are supposed to do (and I've tried this - it works!) is either inside or outdoors, sitting or walking, start counting every single thing you see. For instance sitting at your desk you might do something like this:

Pen. One
Monitor. Two
Tissues. Three
Coffee cup. Four

Keep counting without stopping until you feel you are done. This may be at 10, or even 100. Then you're supposed to focus your attention again at the objects around you, only this time instead of counting, you are making a comment to that thing, Example: "Pen, You just sit there until I put action to you. I wonder how many words you have written, how many stories you could tell." "Coffee cup, you are plain and unattractive. A dull eggshell color." Keep this up until you feel you are finished and refocused.

The object of this is to re-focus your attention outward to the objects around you, and by forcing your attention outward you stop your thoughts from being stuck 'inward'.

Another great suggestion for those who are obsessing is to QUIT focusing on the 'good' things about your ex, and start fixating on their dark side (and, yes, they had one - we all do). Make a list of all the mean, nasty, crazy, undesirable stuff about them and remember how bad this stuff made you feel. Also, remember too, that when we are brokenhearted we tend to 'idolize' and 'idealize' the one that has rejected us. It is natural, but unfortunate, and only makes our heart ache more. Face it, your ex was far from perfect! A more perfect mate awaits you.

18. Do your very own website! That's how I got started after being a relationship break up board advisor at iVillage :) Just pick your favorite subject, or even a business you wanted to always do - and upload it on to the web. The plus side to this is you will get so involved in your new website that time magically passes and when you see all your hard work start to come to life, you gain a new appreciation for wonderful you.

19. Build your own sanctuary or respite. This can be a place in your garden, a spare room, or even your porch. Place some special plants and flowers, figurines, or statues around. Decorate it in a calm, soothing color scheme. Add a soft-flowing fountain, or background music of nature tapes. Go there to re-connect with your inner spiritual self.

20. Start a self-improvement program. You can change things about yourself you don't like, and you can learn to understand and like things about yourself that you didn't before. Inner-reflection and awareness is very peaceful.

21. Check out our breakup support forums at http://liftedhearts.com for encouraging feedback from others going through break up grief or relationship recovery.

22. Fall in love with yourself. Take yourself to a movie, or a lunch at a quaint little sidewalk cafe. Go on a short road trip, and pack along an awesome picnic basket. Grab a blanket and a good book and make a day of it. Fly a kite!

23. Go through every inch of your home and pack up anything that reminds you of your ex. This includes pictures, gifts, or even their belongings. For each item you remove replace it with a plant or flowers! Rearrange your furniture and reclaim your house. Remodel, redecorate. Renew!

24. Buy a puppy, kitten, bird - or even a horse! Set up an awesome aquarium, or terrarium. Yes - you can buy love!

25. Friends, friends, friends! Invite friends over for a sleep-over! No - you're never too old for a sleep-over! Rent some awesome movies, buy some sinful snacks and get some good board games. Better yet, plan a Las Vegas weekend getaway with a few of your closest friends.

26. Change is good. If you have found that during the course of your relationship you got stuck in a rut, now is the time to wake up and revamp yourself. Change your car, buy a new sportier or racier one - or trade in your trusted old Betsy for a Harley. Go back to school. Throw away your polyester slacks and buy some slinky black leather pants. Change your hair color or get a new do. The world is yours, honey - it's your time now so be all that you can be.

27. Get out and enjoy life. Join a bowling league, pool tournament, or volleyball group.

28. Write. Start a book, a journal, a collection of poems, or even your favorite recipes.

29. Write your ex a letter. Say whatever you want, how ever you feel. Blame, moan, confess your love. Express forgiveness. Whatever. It is your letter, do with it as you like. When you are all finished, rip it up!

30. Get a plan! When we have nothing to look forward to in our future we get depressed - especially if we keep living in our 'past'. So, make a plan, detail it out in small steps, and then implicate these steps. It helps motivate you to look forward to a 'tomorrow' and get you away from living in a 'yesterday'.

31. Occupy your mind with brain food. For instance, I can spend hours at http://damninteresting.com. Try it! I also have puzzles (logic, crosswords, kriss kross, etc.) and add more all the time at the Lifted Hearts Breakup Support Community (http://liftedhearts.com). These puzzles do tend to be 'relationship breakup' based (moving on, dating again, etc.), though LOL

32. Burn your past. I do this on New Years Eve every year. Get small blocks of wood (or paper) and write down everything you want to put behind you and bury from your present life once and for all. Get a nice, cozy fire pit started outside, bring out some refreshments, and then sit under the stars and ceremoniously feed your 'wooden woes' to your fire. Watch all your past problems warmly burn away.

33. Profit from your break up. Design a new series of 'break up' greeting cards, or design a line of t-shirts with funny 'break up-lines' on them. Other ideas for merchandising might be purses, beach towels, book/page markers, bumper stickers, mouse pads, coffee cups, and even answering-machine recordings.

34. Find forgiveness. Finding forgiveness for those who have hurt us is very beneficial to our post-breakup peace of mind. For information on finding forgiveness please read How to Get Over a Breakup -- there is an enlightening section that specifically deals with the topic of finding forgiveness.

Article published by Glass Slipper publishing, the Breakup Gurus. For more breakup advice and forums please join us at the Lifted Hearts Breakup Support Forums & Community at http://liftedhearts.com.